Fireflies Art

my baby is 5.

i can't believe that my baby is 5 now.

he gives the best hugs + kisses.

and loves everyone the most.

he is smart +kind.

and sassy + irrational.

he is my sunshine.

and he makes me crazy.

and i love him so fiercely it hurts.

grandma + aunt mindy = happiness

everyone is tired + happy + exhausted.

so so so wonderful to have these ladies here!!!!!!!!

life has been crazy here.

but we're s l o w l y coming out of the fog now.

i'm back behind the wheel now.

and doing dishes like crazy.

i'm sure the novelty will fade.

the weather has been much nicer...

i even sat outside for a couple of hours this week!

hello vitamin D!

i know things will get even better soon...

it just feels like time is crawling.

i'm hoping to do an art journal card tomorrow...

now that i'm feeling a little more alive!

i hope you're all enjoying your weekend.

i'm currently listening to sage attempt to put E to bed.

she's a really good girl.

here comes the sun...

this past saturday i felt like myself for the first time in almost 5 weeks.

and thankfully it seems to be lasting.

i am still having some pain...

but it's SO much less it feels amazing!

and i actually did the dishes all weekend.

while leaning on my crutches of course.

which might sound boring to you all...

but it was WONDERFUL.

just feeling really grateful for my amazing

family and friends who have helped us

through the past 5 weeks.

it means more to me than i could ever express.

longing for...

warmer weather and open windows...

being able to walk without crutches...

being able to sleep on my stomach again...

wandering upstairs (i haven't been there in over a month)...

taking the kids to school...

going thrifting...

re-opening my etsy shop...

doing the dishes...

taking a hot bath...

february was a really rough month.

i'm looking forward to the end of this month

and hoping it brings me a lot of the things on this little list.

sage's science project: fossils

my new hardware.

i got to see the 4 huge screws that are holding my hip together yesterday when i went in for my 2 week post op appointment. i really love my surgeon. he's kind and explains everything. he said everything looks good and i'm progressing as i should be. my next appointment is on march 22nd and hopefully at that appointment i'll get the go ahead to slowly start putting weight on my left leg.

i'm still not able to do much. i can get around fine on my crutches but i'm s l o w. and i get exhausted fast. yesterday it felt good to get out of the house for the first time in 2 weeks! i went to my appointment in detroit, to trader joes and to lunch with casey + steve. i'm usually the one who walks fast and has to slow down to keep pace with jim. so it was funny to watch jim have to keep slowing down to not get too far ahead of my turtle pace.

it's really frustrating to not be able to help with anything around the house. and i hate not being able to do very much with the kids. but i am BEYOND grateful to every person who has helped us and who will be helping us in the next couple weeks.

i am very, very lucky to be surrounded by such amazing friends + family.

taking pictures makes me happy.

one week ago...

tuesday, january 31st

all ready to head to the hospital on 1/31.

the kids stayed with steve for a bit until casey came to get them.

fancy schmancy pager that jim got to hold so that he could get updates on me.

all smiles just ready to get this surgery over with!

i got to the hospital around 12:30pm.

they took me back pretty quickly and i got to put on my fancy gown.

i got to sign my left hip just to be sure no one decided to mess with the wrong hip.

then i got hooked up to the IV and began to wait.

jim got to hang out with me too thank goodness.

we waited. and waited. and waited.

my surgery didn't start until around 4:30pm.

judging from jim's FB updates my surgery took a little over 3 hours instead of the 2 that the doctor anticipated. but he was happy with how everything went. i don't remember a thing from the rest of that night! thanks so much to casey jim was able to spend the first night at the hospital with me while the kids were at home with her! they even got to go to a bounce house that day!

wednesday, february 1st

me the day after surgery trying to muster a smile.

at this point i still hadn't had anything other than some ice chips since monday evening! i just wanted a dang diet coke!

a little before 9am jim headed to caseys to see the kids. he brought them to see me that afternoon...but it didn't last long. (i'm thinking it was only an hour or so) sage was fine of course...but it was just too much for emerson. there just wasn't anything for him to do! and listening to him whine was just stressing me out! poor sage felt bad and wanted to stay for longer...but jim took them and left.

i was of course checked over and over again. they checked my incision, blood pressure, oxygen level, temperature.

the physical therapist came in that day too. she seemed very nice! she gave me 2 excercises to do throughout the day...which actually felt great!

i finallllly got to have a little cup of strawberry jello this night! it tasted like heaven after going so long without eating!

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thursday, february 2nd

this day was hard. because of the nurses delay in relaying messages to the doctor that i was fine to move on to a solid diet i was still only allowed clear liquids.

i was pretty dang annoyed!

that morning they were also transitioning me off of a pain pump onto oral pain meds.

sounds like the perfect time for the physical therapist to come and get me out of bed for the first time, right??

honestly. it was the hardest thing i have ever done in my entire life.

i honestly had the thought go through my head that i was not ever going to be able to walk again. it hurt THAT bad. (remember i'm not a stranger to pain! i have had 4 knee surgeries and 2 c-sections...and this was worse than all of them combined!)

after a fairly embarrasing panic attack and a few minutes to sit down and gather my thoughts. (i took lots of deep breaths and put lavender oil on my wrists and under my nose)

the physical therapist was TOUGH. but good. but seriously hard core. she wasn't messing around. she told me i wasn't going to get any better if i just stayed in bed.

and i did it. i had to walk with the crutches from the bed out of my door, turn around and make it to a chair on the other side of the bed. i was a sweaty, stressed out mess! the pain was incredibly intense. the entire time i seriously felt like i had a 50 pound weight attached to my hip trying to drag me down! i was beyond relieved once i was sitting in that chair!

i won't lie that i was overwhelmed when the PT said i had to do that 3 more times throughout the day along with 500 each of 2 other excercises.

a couple hours later i had the nurse come in so i could check another walk off of my list. jim was there this time. i got right up and took a good first step and then started panicking again. i just couldn't get past the mental block i was having. the nurse said, do want to sit down for awhile and try again? i said yes! (ha! the PT never would have let me get away with that!!) i asked for a valum and turned on some ray lamontangue music to relax me and 30 minutes later i was able to get up and get myself to the bathroom. it hurt like hell. but i did it. i was so proud of myself. after that time i didn't have any more panic attacks over it. (thank goodness!!)

thanks again to casey for taking the kids for a good chunk of the day so jim could spend time with me at the hospital! (lucky kids got to go to the detroit zoo!)

i finally got a yummy meal from baja fresh!

i was so dang hungry by this point!!

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friday, february 3rd

the physical therapist came in first thing in the morning and got me up and moving again! i was so happy that it wasn't a mental struggle like it was the day before!

this morning i had to learn how to go up and down the stairs.

(which is good because i had to go up stairs to get into my house!)

i got through everything pretty quickly this time. (yes it still hurt. a ton)

i was pretty motivated to get home though!

the doctor came in as i was finishing up physical therapy and told the doctor that i passed off on everything i had to do to be able to leave as far as PT was concerned! the doctor checked my incision and said i was ok to take a shower too! (hello...i was so excited about that!)

the occupational therapist came in next and i was able to pass off on everything pretty quickly with her too! i had to be able to put on my socks, undies, and pants. and also be able to go to the bathroom without assistance. and also be able to get in and out of the shower with a shower chair.

the doctor had told me that morning that i'd be discharged that afternoon so i called and let jim know so that he and the kids could started getting things ready to head home! well jim and the kids showed up around 2pm. and i didn't get dicharged until 8:15pm. that made for a very long, stressful day!! the kids were bored and everyone was getting cranky because we just wanted to get home at that point!

well after a stop to walgreens to get my prescriptions filled we finally headed home! we got home around 11:15pm! (some of you might not have known that my surgery was in detroit...i decided not to announce on my blog that we'd be gone for a week)

i was in so much pain by the time we got home from sitting in the same position for so long. it was a long night...but it was still so good to be home.

this is the adorable bambi that was painted on my room door. because my surgeon does most of his surgeries on kids i was on the pediatric unit. :)

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saturday, february 4th

bree had watched barley for the week while we were in detroit (kristin actually watched him on monday during the day for us too!) so she returned him to us on saturday. that was a life saver. i'm sure they are beyond happy to be back to their barkless house...but it was such a huge burden taken off of us to have him somewhere we knew he was being loved on and safe!

my friend jessica brought us several meals on saturday afternoon as well!

we really have the best friends!!!

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sunday, february 5th

i was really naseous most of the day saturday and sunday.

so i was just eating crackers and drinking water and really feeling pretty rotten.

jim was a champ at taking care of the dishes, etc and the kids.

he has a lot on his plate right now!!!

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monday, february 6th

it was good to have the kiddos both be at school so i could get a little more rest! jim called the doctor because i was still so naseous and they called in some zofran for me. LIFESAVER!! i've felt so much better since then! my friend stephanie picked up emerson from school so he could play with his bff elly. then she also picked up sage so she could play with eva! then she brought them back to us around 5pm. it was a good break for jim too...he was able to get a lot done around here and to help me with a million things too. i definetly had a couple of mini meltdowns about not being able to do hardly anything for myself! it's sooooo frustrating!

i got a beautiful bouquet of flowers delivered from west ward PTO!

then yesterday evening my friend michelle (who lives in utah!) ordered us pizza.

seriously so grateful for all of the nice things everyone has done for us!!!

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tuesday, february 7th

today i had a bit of a rough morning again. (for some reason i seriously feel emotional in the mornings right now!)  but my day got much better. emerson didn't make it to school because well...he just didn't. but i actually had a great morning with him working on reading and he's doing GREAT!!! he was so excited and so was i! my shower chair came today! hilarious that it was exciting but i was beyond ready for a shower!! it was so refreshing!! sage is so frustrated trying to get caught up on her homework from last week...but only a couple more days and she should be all set! (we'll both be relieved!) jim made me an amazing supper tonight. steak tips. veggies. and mashed potatoes it was perfect.

this isn't going to be an easy few weeks.

it's going to be really hard.

but i know i can do hard things.

and i'm so lucky to be surrounded by people who love me

and are willing to help me out!!!

i'm sure there are plenty of typos. i'll re-read this tomorrow. :)

art journal card. week 6. impossible.

impossible.

i've felt pretty lousy today so this is all i could muster.

we made our cards on my bed and these lousy pictures are taken with the ipod.

my surgery was on tuesday and on thursday morning it was my first time to get out of bed and walk with the crutches with the physical therapist. honestly, it was the first time in my life that something felt 100% impossible. i was exhausted, weak, dizzy and felt so panicky. the physical therapist was insistant that i could (and had to) do it and thankfully she was good at what she does. after a fairly major panic attack and a quick sit down to do some deep breathing and put some lavender oil on my wrists i was able to do it. it was the hardest thing i've ever done in my life. (and i've had several knee surgeries and two c-sections) i had to do it a couple more times that day too. it was hard. but i did it. and while i was exhausted and felt sure i'd pass out at any moment, i did it! and that felt amazing.

sage's card.

she always amazes me...she doesn't hesitate for a second when i tell her the prompt!